Do you need acceptance from others?

Everyone for the most part crave social inclusion; whether it’s on the playground, in the park, at the corner hangout, in the office, at school, or a professional organization.

What happens when we are rejected or feel unaccepted? Lieberman and Eisenberger ran studies with adults that showed our brains deal with social pain in the same ways it deals with physical pain. In other words, we hurt when we feel rejected or not accepted. Our emotional pain is both psychological and physical because it is processed in our brains even though we may think these two types of pain are not connected. Social and emotional pain is not as evident as physical pain. It is more difficult to point to a particular place on our bodies where we hurt emotionally, because at that stage it is also physical pain.

Do we ever leave the need to be accepted behind? We are social beings and want to belong. We use a variety of behaviors to bring us closer to others so they accept us and even like us. This social dynamic of wanting to belong, be accepted, starts when we are young, when we play with our siblings and cousins, and the kids in our neighborhoods and schools.

Here are some self-reflective questions we may ask to better guide ourselves toward more fulfilling relationships with others. You can substitute the word recognize with acknowledge, need, or another word that is meaningful to you:

  • What is it I want to have recognized, to be recognized for, so I feel accepted?

  • Why is this important to me?

  • How would I like to be recognized?

  • How can I get myself recognized?

  • What will this do for me if I am recognized?

  • What kind of relationship will I be making through this recognition?

    These simple questions will help you start recognizing what you need internally and externally? Also, by identifying our needs, our desires, and the behaviors associated with these factors, you will begin to manage your emotions better when it comes to acceptance from others, and personal acceptance.