Today, we hear a lot of talk about how we must first ‘Love Ourselves.’  When you hear people say, “You must love yourself,” do you really understand this concept fully? Does hearing the words ‘you must love yourself’ make you love yourself more? I would guess, probably not!

I have discovered from my own life that self-love really cannot be taught from without–self-love must be embraced from within.  Self-love must also be cultivated in a healthy environment.  I learned this truth from the worst way possible.

I was once in an emotionally abusive relationship that ‘I allowed.’  No matter how much I tried, I always came up short in the love deposit. This person showed me over and over again that he could not love me the way I deserved to be loved, but I refused to believe him.  Every day, I would wake up feeling sad and rejected.  I couldn’t understand why he did not love me the way that I loved him. I thought to myself, “I’m beautiful, I’m smart, I’m a good woman, who would not love a woman like me.”  I later learned that he had ‘mother issues,’ and a love/hate relationship with most of the women that had ever attempted to love him.  After realizing his issues had nothing to do with me personally, I felt somewhat better; but I still wrestled with feelings of inadequacy.

Once I removed myself from that relationship, I realized an important truth that I would like to share with you. Listen carefully.  Before you buy another self-love book, listen to another inspirational video, or pay another self-love coach to help you with self-love, understand this, ‘Self-Love Starts From Within.’

Whenever I am consulting with a potential client who is still in an unhealthy situation, I tell them to call me when you have left the problem.  I understand it’s difficult to develop or have self-love until you are removed from the situation or person(s) who’s causing you to not love yourself.   Once you are in a healthy space mentally, spiritually, and emotionally, the development of self-love can occur.  Moreover, self-love is developed best when you are in a stable place to find it WITHIN you.  Self-love is difficult to master where there’s abuse, trauma, or rejection involved in the process of self-love.

Of course, reading self-help books, self-love coaching and inspiration can put you on a path to self-love awareness; however, until you are removed from the ‘Root’ cause of self-love depletion, you’ll continue to suffer from self-love deficiency and more… And yes, who you are connected to will affect your self-love transformation.

I want to give you some questions to ask yourself:

1. Do you love yourself enough to feed your soul with whatever your heart purposes?

2. What do you say to yourself perpetually? 

3. Do you listen to your thoughts, filter them, question them? 

4. Are you in a situation where it’s hard to love yourself?

Lastly, your life is your practice – so how would you wish to spend it? Only you can answer this question.

Love and Hugs,

Nancy-Self-Love Coach